how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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