I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
