did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
