Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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