can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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