i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
