I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
