1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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