He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my liver is dry heaving
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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