At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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