The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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