Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
