There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
