She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
