i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
