id be glad to
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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