he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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