So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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