No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
