When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
