If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize