Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
