Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
