She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize