yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
