Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
