Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
