Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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