tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
