i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
