i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
