It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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