have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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