Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize