I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
