The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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