Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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