you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
