You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
