Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
