I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
