I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
