yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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