I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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