she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
