The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
