Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
