man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
