don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
