i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
two words...techno handjob
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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