you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
