I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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