I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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