Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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