Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
