In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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