she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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