I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
