they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
