In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize