alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
