well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
