It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I need water and some morals
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
