This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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