Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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