She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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