I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
