Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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