things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
