one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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