3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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