I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
