I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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