I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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