i barfeds in our rink
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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