Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
