"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Your dad touched me again.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
