we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize